I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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