He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
