Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
