I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm so fucking centered right now
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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