I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
