Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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