I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
