dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
