the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
