Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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