I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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