i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
