Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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