your parents love me but you hate me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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