Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
