I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
