Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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