You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
