Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
