If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
