This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
