She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
