dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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