:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
