guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
