okay pat passed out under dana's car
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
