got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
