just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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