she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
