you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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