you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
