If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
