So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
