pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
