New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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