Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
