yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize