i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
