Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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