You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This is my gift to your gina
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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