Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
