best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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