Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i now understand why vodka
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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