had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
