i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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