I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
