i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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