Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
