I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They took my balls.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
