So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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