She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
