On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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