So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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