I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
