it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
