that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
