Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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