Don't you send me to vm
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
