Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
