I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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