did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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