so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
