ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize