A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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