I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
