Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
