I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Vodka?
Forever.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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