Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
