You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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