i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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