hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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