my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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